Cast away from you all the crimes you have committed and make for yourselves a new heart and a new spirit." - Ezekial 18:30-31
I can't believe how many chances the Lord has given me. I also can't believe how many times he has called us back to Him in the Scriptures. The first words of Jesus in Mark's gospel are, "The time for fulfillment has come. Repent and believe in the gospel." God wants us back. He is constantly calling us back to him, constantly binding up wounds and mending our broken heart.
~But do I believe my heart is broken?~
If I think about my life, yeah I am sad. Relationships I have had are no longer there. People I have trusted with my whole heart are goneam I've been hurt, they've been hurt. The world is in a bad state. The Church is in a bad state. There are times when I can feel the sufferings of others and that adds to my own.
I like to tell myself things are fine, but they are not. If I look at my heart I see individual wounds which I don't think its such a big deal. If I'm honest though, as a whole, my heart is broken.
The reality is that my heart is one, its not in parts.
I just had a funny thought. Its kind of like the show House. On the show Dr. Gregory House and his team diagnois patients who have a rare disease. They list all the symptons and end up having tp figure out what the disease is. If I listed the symptons of my wounded heart what would come up?
During the show they try different treatments to rule out different diseases. Some take symptons away and some add new ones. I've done that before, "Maybe I need to change jobs then I'll be happy or maybe if I do this instead of that I will be happy." Needless to say it doesn't work and now I have more wounds then before.
In some episodes they have to dig into a person's past to see if there is something the patient isn't telling the doctors which is causing the disease. Well I have done that as well. There are times I haven't been honest with myself, my spiritual director and most importantly God.
~How do I expect to be healed if I'm not honest about what I have?~
In the end they usually find what's wrong and te patient is fine. I wonder if there's an episode where he can't fix the problem. I haven't seen it yet.
I wonder if there is a link between feelings of guilt and people becoming more susceptible to diseases, depression, and sickness. If there is then the Ancient writers weren't too off the mark.
Lord help me to identify areas where I am guilty so that You may create a clean heart in me!
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