Saturday, August 14, 2010

Turn around

"Turn and be converted from all your crimes, that they may be no cause of guilt for you.
Cast away from you all the crimes you have committed and make for yourselves a new heart and a new spirit." - Ezekial 18:30-31

I can't believe how many chances the Lord has given me. I also can't believe how many times he has called us back to Him in the Scriptures. The first words of Jesus in Mark's gospel are, "The time for fulfillment has come. Repent and believe in the gospel." God wants us back. He is constantly calling us back to him, constantly binding up wounds and mending our broken heart.

~But do I believe my heart is broken?~

If I think about my life, yeah I am sad. Relationships I have had are no longer there. People I have trusted with my whole heart are goneam I've been hurt, they've been hurt. The world is in a bad state. The Church is in a bad state. There are times when I can feel the sufferings of others and that adds to my own.

I like to tell myself things are fine, but they are not. If I look at my heart I see individual wounds which I don't think its such a big deal. If I'm honest though, as a whole, my heart is broken.

The reality is that my heart is one, its not in parts.

I just had a funny thought. Its kind of like the show House. On the show Dr. Gregory House and his team diagnois patients who have a rare disease. They list all the symptons and end up having tp figure out what the disease is. If I listed the symptons of my wounded heart what would come up?

During the show they try different treatments to rule out different diseases. Some take symptons away and some add new ones. I've done that before, "Maybe I need to change jobs then I'll be happy or maybe if I do this instead of that I will be happy." Needless to say it doesn't work and now I have more wounds then before.

In some episodes they have to dig into a person's past to see if there is something the patient isn't telling the doctors which is causing the disease. Well I have done that as well. There are times I haven't been honest with myself, my spiritual director and most importantly God.

~How do I expect to be healed if I'm not honest about what I have?~

In the end they usually find what's wrong and te patient is fine. I wonder if there's an episode where he can't fix the problem. I haven't seen it yet.

I wonder if there is a link between feelings of guilt and people becoming more susceptible to diseases, depression, and sickness. If there is then the Ancient writers weren't too off the mark.

Lord help me to identify areas where I am guilty so that You may create a clean heart in me!

Pray well!
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Wheat Field of Dreams


The readings for today.

Jesus said to his disciples:
“Amen, amen, I say to you,
unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies,
it remains just a grain of wheat;
but if it dies, it produces much fruit.
Whoever loves his life loses it,
and whoever hates his life in this world
will preserve it for eternal life.
Whoever serves me must follow me,
and where I am, there also will my servant be.
The Father will honor whoever serves me.”

please help me hear these words anew...
Set my heart on fire with your words...
Help me not to love the ways of this world
help me to love Your Way, Your Truth and Your Life.
I ask this in Jesus' Holy Name, Amen.

I read these words of Our Lord and I imagine myself as this grain of wheat holding on to the stalk for dear life. I can see all the things which block me from following You... well some of them. Help me to get rid of these. Lord I feel over the last couple of years You are pushing me against THE wall and are asking me to make a choice to follow You. You keep inviting me to be Your servant and I keep telling You I want to be the master of my own life. The world tells us to be masters or our destiny, the world tells us not to submit to anyone or anything; but You ask us to follow You.

Continuing a theme from my last post, we are bombarded constantly with the idea of "following our dreams." Yet, Joseph the Patriarch and Daniel the Prophet tell us something completely different than what the world tells us.

In Genesis, when Pharaoh has a dream no can interpret it except Joseph.

Then they said to him[Pharaoh], "We have had a dream and there is no one to interpret it " Then Joseph said to them, "Do not interpretations belong to God? Tell it to me, please." -Genesis 40:8

And when Nebuchadnezzar had a dream he asked Daniel to interpret it:

The king said to Daniel, whose name was Belteshazzar, "Are you able to make known to me the dream which I have seen and its interpretation?"

Daniel answered before the king and said, "As for the mystery about which the king has inquired, neither wise men, conjurers, magicians nor diviners are able to declare it to the king.

"However, there is a God in heaven who reveals mysteries, and He has made known to King Nebuchadnezzar what will take place in the latter days this was your dream and the visions in your mind while on your bed.

"As for you, O king, while on your bed your thoughts turned to what would take place in the future; and He who reveals mysteries has made known to you what will take place.

"But as for me, this mystery has not been revealed to me for any wisdom residing in me more than in any other living man, but for the purpose of making the interpretation known to the king, and that you may understand the thoughts of your mind. - Daniel 2:26-30

Our dreams belong to the Lord. Our dreams only make sense when we bring them to God and if we don't it is just for the glorification of us. Maybe our dreams for self-glory should be the grains that fall and die so we can truly start following God. A Google search of "Follow your dreams," produces 47,000,000 images such as this:

I threw up a little when I saw this.

Nothing to do with God. The word "believe" appears in the Bible over 200 times and not once does God ever tell anyone, "just believe in yourself! You can do it!" God never said that to Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, Joshua, Samuel, David, Elijah, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezra, Nehemiah and Jesus certainly NEVER said that. In John 3:36 he says:

"He who believes in the Son has eternal life; but he who does not obey the Son will not see life, but the wrath of God abides on him."

please help me to believe more in myself.
I know I can do it.
Lord help me to follow my dream.
Open all doors so that I may get what I want, when I want.

Are you serious?What kind of prayer is that?!?!

But to be honest this is how I pray sometimes... Sure I might try to use pretty words and asks differently but this is what I mean. Lord, I hope to change my ways and sincerely repent. I hope to continue the process of dying to self and I hope to truly serve You. I hope to change in the way You ask of me.

"Hope has two beautiful daughters; their names are Anger and Courage. Anger at the way things are, and Courage to see that they do not remain as they are." - St. Augustine

Thank you St. Augustine!!!

Pray well!