The Wrestler

+AMDG+

Here are today's reading for the Second Sunday in Lent.

St. Ignatius of Loyola tells us that when we do Lectio Divina, or Sacred Reading, to see what stands out to us and to sit with that. As I was reading and praying over the readings the Psalm just popped out at me. I usually focus on the Second reading and the Gospel, but this week the Psalms just punched me in the face.

Psalm 27:1

"The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom do I fear?

The LORD is my life's refuge; of whom am I afraid?"

But do I believe this? Do I live my life with my only fear being the fear of the Lord? To be honest... not really.

Fear is paralyzing. It stops us from living properly. It can stop us from pushing forward and growing. Almost all fears, except irrational fears, are based on a lack of knowledge. When we have fears we become scared. I am scared of the dark because I don't know what is in the dark. I am scared of failure because I don't know what people will think about me after. I am scared to quit my job and pursue my dream because I don't know if it will actually happen. I am scared of being happy because I don't know what it is like to stop chasing happiness and actually be happy. I am scared to trust God because I don't know where my life will go.

"The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom do I fear?

The LORD is my life's refuge; of whom am I afraid?"

I have heard these words before, but they stuck out today. What do I fear? What do I always have to work up the courage to face? This is something I never think about. Obviously because it frightens me.

For example I am scared of heights. I do not spend my time going on top of buildings, or thinking about the view from up top. It is not something I dwell on. But one of the fears that I have, I realized while watching this movie.

Love. Pain. Glory.

The Wrestler is an amazing movie. I loved it. I watched it when I was depressed and in the dark. I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS. After watching this I started listening to Hurt by: Johnny Cash. Not fun when your sad lol.

In a nut shell this movie is about a wrestler named Randy "The Ram" Robinson, who popularity peaked in the 80's. Twenty years later he is still wrestling, living in a trailer filled with pictures of glory days. Trying to find any work possible he decides to enter into a hardcore match which the audience watches in full gory detail. He suffers a heart attack and being told that he should not wrestle anymore, he tries to reevaluate his life. Tries to reconnect with his daughter, find love and get a normal job.

This is an amazing movie which at its core is about addiction. His adrenaline rush from his fans and his old lifestyle is something he just cannot shake. After a series of bad events he returns to wrestling. Cassidy, a stripper whom Randy is trying to court, (Courting a stripper... I don't think I ever expected to use those words together) approaches him and asks him not to wrestle. This is their dialogue:

Randy: What are you doing here?

Cassidy: What the (Smurf) are you doing here?

Randy: I'm doing my thing I'm going to work.

Cassidy: But, your heart...

Randy: My heart is still ticking

Cassidy: Yeah but the doctor said...

Randy: Listen I know what I'm doing, the only place I get hurt is out there. (point away from the wrestling ring) The world don't give a (Smurf) about me.

Cassidy: I'm here, I'm really here. What do you call that?

(Randy's theme music plays Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns N Roses)

I won't ruin the movie for you! Go see it!

So why do I mention this? Obviously to avoid talking about my fears duh!

When the movie ends, the song The Wrestler By: Bruce Springsteen, plays:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRUEKJIcvbo&feature=related

I hope you listen to the song. Here are some of the lyrics:

"Have you ever seen a one trick pony in the field so happy and free?
If you've ever seen a one trick pony then you've seen me
Have you ever seen a one-legged dog making its way down the street?
If you've ever seen a one-legged dog then you've seen me

Then you've seen me, I come and stand at every door
Then you've seen me, I always leave with less than I had before
Then you've seen me, bet I can make you smile when the blood, it hits the floor
Tell me, friend, can you ask for anything more?
Tell me can you ask for anything more?

Have you ever seen a scarecrow filled with nothing but dust and wheat?
If you've ever seen that scarecrow then you've seen me..."

This is my fear: That I am not original, that all I will do is proclaim the same message over and over again. I am scared that, if I ever have a hit, I will be some one hit wonder. I am scared that I won't be taken seriously. I am scared that I won't make an impact on people. I am scared that my life won't really matter.

I think I am scared because I don't trust that God will work through me and I will waste all the gifts and talents He has given me. I am scared that when I stand before Him, He will say, "Louis, I gave you so much, why did you do so little?"

I really think my fear is the polar opposite of my deepest desire.

January 2nd is the Feast day of St. Basil the Great and St. Gregory Nazianzen, they were both Bishops and Doctors of the Church. There is a reading on their feast day is from St. Gregory and he is talking about their friendship. He says:

"Different men have different names, which they owe to their parents or to themselves, that is their own pursuits and achievements. But our great pursuit, the great name we wanted, was to be Christians, to be called Christians. "

I have this image of the Last Judgement in my mind. I will be waiting in line to be judge, sweating profusely, smelling myself, wondering if that smell is me, and I am going over my lines and excuses I will tell God. And then I hear St. Peter say, "Next! He will see you now." And as I walk in looking at the ground God the Father, runs to me and embraces me and says, "My good and faithful servant! I am so proud of you! Welcome home."

It is always nice to dream isn't...

The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom do I fear?

The LORD is my life's refuge; of whom am I afraid?

When evildoers come at me to devour my flesh,

These my enemies and foes themselves stumble and fall.

Though an army encamp against me,

my heart does not fear;

Though war be waged against me,

even then do I trust.

One thing I ask of the LORD;

this I seek: To dwell in the LORD'S house all the days of my life,

To gaze on the LORD'S beauty, to visit his temple.

For God will hide me in his shelter in time of trouble,

Will conceal me in the cover of his tent;

and set me high upon a rock.

Even now my head is held high above my enemies on every side!

I will offer in his tent sacrifices with shouts of joy;

I will sing and chant praise to the LORD.

- Psalm 27:1-6

Do not be afraid... for nothing is impossible for God.

- Luke 1:30,37

Our Catholic friend Mickey Rourke's interview with Barbara Walters. I really recommend you see it.

Pray well!